Does anyone else out there remember when Instagram was…. instant? Like you took a picture in the app and only in the app and it put it on the internet immediately? Do you remember learning the hack where you put it on airplane mode to get a moment to check out the photo before it went public?
Do you remember life before we filtered everything through a lens of what will everyone think/ I’d better make sure things look good?
No? Me either.
We have this rosy view of the world before facebook, but if you think back, we filtered and censored ourselves LONG before apps made it easier for us. Now we just do it more often, with better tools, and they call it “curating”.
One of the posts I wrote this week (with a truly instant photo) on Instagram was about how long it takes me to psych myself up to spend time with a group of people.
I didn’t used to be like that. When I was a teenager, I loved going out with my friends - but even then, I remember having this strange sense of unease; of wrongness. I was careful what I wore and I went along with what we did. I didn’t share all of the ‘weird’ things that went through my head, or ask the questions that were desperately asking to be asked.
Now I wonder if part of my apparent introversion is actually avoidance. I don’t want to feel weird anymore. I don’t want to be the one who folds or bends or quiets down so that my weirdness doesn’t show. I don’t want to talk about things that don’t matter.
Going out into a crowd makes me feel kind of lonely. So why would I want to do it?
Maintaining the shield around my heart and soul is tiring. Going out into the world feels like an expedition rather than an adventure.
I often say we need a badge that all of us ‘weirdos’ can wear when we are out and about: “I’m weird too, let talk about real things. I’m willing to go deep and rich and I’ll be careful with your heart.”
That way we could find each other easily in the wildness of the world.
When I wrote that on Instagram, so many people wrote and said, “ME TOO!” Or “I’m IN.” Just like that. Just that freely.
Me. I’m weird too. Let’s get together. I’m so in for the pin. People said it and filled my comments with love. All it took was me showing my weirdness off - just a little.
Maybe we aren’t so weird after all. Maybe it’s just that we heart-full, depth-seeking, wonderers haven’t got an easy way to recognise and find each other.
How about it? Let’s create a secret club pin.
Because I bet there’s even more of us out there than we think.
With so much love,
But are we really the weirdos? I believe perhaps we are just the intuitive, the empaths, those connected more fully with the pain of the world and humanity in its current broken state, those who place deepness over superficiality. I am one too. I struggle with small talk and want to dive deep. I say the wrong things, create the awkward moments in my intensity. But I still enjoy the kinship of a group of hens cackling away. I just always make sure they understand my social awkwardness and in doing so I realize we are all really the same. Some just mask it better than others. Here’s to the wild women those of us who can’t seem to walk a straight path, who cannot fit into societal molds, and who say the awkward things but often things that needs saying. Embrace yourself and celebrate your wondrous self!!!
Yes! It's exhausting maintaining that shield, like you said. For me, I'm tired of pretending. I'm tired of trying to find the right mask or cut out the "weird" parts of myself to feel more "socially acceptable." I think unconsciously I decided that the less people in my everyday life, the less fear I hold of others knowing and judging the real me. But I still crave sharing space with women, gathering and creating and diving deep into conversations. I'm in for the secret club pin, too!